I had a dream that my best friend came to visit me. It was perfect. I don’t even remember or care what we did. All I know is when he came to say goodbye, I kissed him, and asked him if I could go with him. He left, and was texting me, and I was getting ready to go with him, and suddenly I woke up… I woke up ready to text him and tell him all about my funny dream… And then I remembered…

My best friend passed away 192 days ago…

So I was going to write on your Facebook wall, and then I realized “What does it matter? You’ll never read it, you’ll never comment back, I won’t hear from you ever again.” God, I wish you knew how much I missed you! I wish I could talk to you!! I don’t know what is wrong with me, every time I think about going to California, I think about you, everything I say the something about “best friends” I MISS YOU! I hate that you aren’t around, I do, I hate it. And I know that’s stupid, I know it’s stupid to be upset or mad because you aren’t around, that wasn’t something you could control, and I know that, but it doesn’t matter, I still hate that you aren’t here to talk to! I can’t MSN with you, I can’t Skype with you, we can’t Tweet each other, we can’t text, I don’t have a special text tone for you anymore, because I’ll never get a text from you again. I want to scream sometimes, because all I do lately is MISS YOU! It’s so hard not to miss you, it’s so hard to just forget. I don’t want to forget, I never want to forget, I don’t think I ever will, but sometimes I just wish it would hurt less when I do miss you, when I do think about you. I wish when some how something in my mind made me think about you, I didn’t choke while I was speaking, words disappear and all I can do is hold back all my emotion. Sometimes, while I’m driving, I’ll be singing along, and think how you never got to witness my driving that you were so afraid of, how you’d laugh at me while I sang and danced my way around my car. I think of how I can’t meet up with you in Disneyland, I think of how I can’t terrify you with Mickey Mouse, I think of so much that I can’t do with you! I think of how my best man won’t be at my wedding, I think of how you’ll never meet my kids, you’ll never visit my house, you’ll never approve of the person I marry, just so much more… It hurts to think that my best friend is frozen in time in a way, I’ll never get to share all those big moments in life with you! How before I lost you, I wasn’t that great of a friend, and I’ll never be able to make up for it. I want to write on your wall, I want to tell you about my day every day… But I resist because I feel silly because I’ll never get to know your response… I miss you Bry<3